Making Change

Making change, whether it is getting over the fear of public speaking or flying or trying to lose weight, change is a challenge for most of us.  So how do we do it? Obviously there are many ways, but here Karen shares a few key concepts to help you get yourself  'over the line' to the place that you want to be. No BS and no fluffy stuff, logic, common sense and a few cool tips to help you get there instead.

Here is the link to the snippet of Derren Brown's program, (Derren is a well known Mentalist) that I mention in the podcast and I recommend that you take a peek at it - really great stuff.

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Episode Transcript:

Hello and welcome to this latest episode of the Soulful and Wild Show. And today you've got me and I'd like to share with you some ideas around making change.

Because change is not comfortable. Most of us ah dislike change. We like certainty. we like things to flow along without too much effort. That would be normal for the majority of us. Even those of us who have a bit of an adventurous streak would like it to be on our terms usually.

Now, change, whether it is being comfortable getting on an airplane or a train or a bus or losing weight or something else entirely,

Change requires effort and that is an ugly truth. A lot of the time we do actually expect that something magical is going to happen and the the weight will come off or we'll be able to be completely comfortable speaking in public, you know, like magic.

But of course, magic doesn't happen. There are certain things, for example, in hypnosis where we can do a little bit of magic, but it is our own mind, this powerhouse, that determines even how well something like hypnosis will work.

And I don't want to take away any of the mystic or magic about hypnosis, don't misunderstand me, but I would like to share this idea with you that it's it's us. We're the ones that have the real power.

And, um you know, what happens when people have issues that they want to change? There's usually a lot of energy is actually put into fearing that the thing will happen. So I'll just speak to, um you know, fears around flying just for the the sake of the conversation to keep it simple so I don't have to keep giving you lots and lots of examples for it to make sense.

You just adjust it according to what makes sense to you if you would and and and that would be nice. So... I'm going to share a link with you in the blurb that goes with this episode of a ah little excerpt that you can see.

i don't know if you've heard of Derren Brown. He's ah a mentalist and he actually does a little set up and this guy, Henry, his name, that's who he's known as, yeah he works in a circus and he holds a Guinness Book of Records for um skipping for the longest period of time on a high rise, you know, on one of those high ropes in the in the circus, the main tent, you know.

And um anyway, he'd never fallen. But what happened is with Derren Brown, he actually made a suggestion to Henry and because of that suggestion he started thinking negatively.

He started thinking about wobbling or um falling, which is something that he'd never done. He had no evidence to support that, but his mind started to go there.

And so he actually fell. And this is something that is really key for us to understand. It links in with something that was discovered by a guy by the name of Emil Kui, and I apologise if I've pronounced that incorrectly. he was I think he was a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I can't remember now, but um you he discovered this this this thing that happens.

So we want to, let's just say, we want to be able to fly with comfort and with ease without any concern whatsoever. And we can even put a lot of effort into making that happen.

And yet there's a part of us that is really worried that the opposite will happen. And so what actually occurs in the mind is that thing that we are worrying about, we our mind moves to there and then we move into that.

That's fundamentally what we create. Sometimes in therapeutic situations, I ask clients to imagine what it is they want, not what they don't want.

And I'll often suggest to them, that they spend one or two minutes in the morning and at night imagining what they want to have happen. Now, sometimes they do that and sometimes they don't.

But I always know if they've been throwing in that negative thing at the end, they're not doing well. So in terms of, you know, changing their own mind,

So it's a really important thing for us to focus on what we want and to stop that overthinking, that brooding, that a because otherwise that's what we put energy to and that's what happens, that thing that we don't want to have happen, even when we're working hard to make sure it doesn't.

So, yeah, I'll send you that link with this. um What did I want to tell you? The other thing is, in our lives, most of the time, 99.999% of the time anyway, we have so much evidence that we have been successful at overcoming difficult situations, things and circumstances where many people would falter or fail or just give up because it's too hard, and yet,

You, yourself and me too, you know, we've all had lots and lots of evidence that we've been able to stay the distance for something and really stay focused and do whatever's necessary to get over the line, shall we say.

And yet when a person is thinking negatively, they focus instead on that thing they don't want have happen. Now, where does that come from? i mean, yes, it's negative thinking and people tend to just let their heads go wild. They don't even pull it in. They don't put a stop to it, you know.

They just kind of surrender. Now, what causes that? It's so fascinating, isn't it, because it can be somebody who's really powerful, really got their act together in so many arenas in their life.

with so much evidence that they, you know, they've got the goods, they get stuff done against all odds, and yet there's this idea that they nurture and protect that they are helpless to overcome, you know, X, the flying, shall we say.

So it's interesting.

The other thing is the magic aspect, you know, Let's be real. There is no such thing as magical when we want to do something that's challenging.

You know, if you want to fly, you've got to face your fears. You've got to stop that negative thinking. Same thing if you want to lose weight. You've got to actually look, you know, use your logic and common sense.

Look at what you're consuming in terms of um calorie content, the kinds of foods, how much is on your plate, what times you eat. You've got to look at those things. Those things are logical.

You don't just hope and wish and

that it's going to change. It doesn't change. We have to take some responsibility and make some adjustments. There is always going to be a little bit of pain in creating change.

And once we come to grips with that, life does get a little bit easier, much easier actually, because we suck it up. We make the decision that yes, this is important.

If you do, you know, when you really look at it, is it worth the discomfort? It's something that we have to ask ourselves. Look at the negatives and the positives. It's going to be painful.

Is it worth the pain? You know, it's a bit like this. All right. Um, One of the things, there's a great, I've actually got this little quote here that I wrote down.

When the imagination and the will are in conflict, the imagination invariably wins because that's what we're putting our energy into.

So change is a big deal and so many people struggle with that. So I guess what I'm suggesting is that Number one, we really need to look at do we actually want to make that change?

Yes. Is it a ah nice idea or is it something that you absolutely really need to see done? And if that's the case, look at the other logical things.

um What's involved in in in getting yourself over the line? Are you prepared to put in the time and the energy and the effort to experience the discomfort of making those changes and adjustments, is it worth it?

Is it worth it to you? And if it is, then you're really going to have to map out a process to make that happen. One of the things I'll often talk about is um stop.

You know, over time, I've said to a few people, you know, you have to stop that that mind from going down that bumpy road.

And I've had a couple of people over the years go to me, Karen, if I could just stop it, I wouldn't be talking to you. And I think sometimes they really want to smack my hand and I get that completely.

But, of course, I don't mean stop. Oh, stop here. Clearly that's not going to work. What we actually need to do is to really put a chock in underneath that wheel so it can't turn.

And what that is in NLP terms, neuro-linguistic programming terms, is an actual pattern breaker, a circuit breaker.

So if you were to say stop, you've got to kind of say it loud enough and intensely enough that it shocks you and pulls you up.

I'll often tell people a little story about my son. Years ago, i lived um in Cancuna, valley, ah in the Kiwa Valley, and it was one of those places where, and you know, we had the open fireplace.

And at this particular time, my husband used to work away from home. And so I'd often be there without a car, And it was a really old farmhouse, right? You know, when you pull the the plug out in the bath, you could actually see the ground underneath. It just ran down.

It was a very interesting building, let me tell you. um i think it had been built during the war. Anyway, um and I sometimes wonder whether they actually used to have a bath in the creek out the back myself. But anyway, yeah.

Yeah, so basically what what I'm trying to get at is that the dog used to run under the house sometimes and pull the phone the phone wire out. Unhelpful, very unhelpful.

So on this particular day, this is a story I tell people and it's actually a true thing. On this particular day, I've got the baby in the bouncer net and um the toddler in his bedroom playing with blocks and And, of course, my husband used to go and collect the wood. So I had no real deep appreciation for just how much hard work that was. And so I used to have the the fire burning brightly like the goddess Hestia. know, it was warm as toast in that house.

Anyhow, I moved the fire grid, you know, the little those little three-pronged sort of wire things. I forget what they're called now. But anyway, lifted it.

The baby was not moving. And I walked through the kitchen, through the built-in veranda and out onto the actual veranda where the wood was, grabbed an armload full, walked back through. And as I walked into the kitchen, very long room, I kicked the door shut. I looked up and my toddler was running because he never walked at that time.

He walks an hour, but back then he used to run. And the door... was at the other end of the kitchen and it went straight into the lounge room and he was very fixated.

So he's running and I see him and there is absolutely no way that I'm going to be able to intercept him before he hits the fire.

So obviously I just dropped that wood and i launched myself towards him. He's in motion running and he's very close to the fire. So I didn't say to him, oh, darling, stop.

I didn't do that. I yelled like a crazed woman. Stop! So loud. I don't want to yell like that now because I'll scare you. But so loud and so intensely because I was absolutely terrified because in my mind in that split second was that realisation that there i there was no phone connected, there was no car, I was miles from a hospital, I was no no way going to be able to get him help if he went into that fire and it was a pretty big fire.

So I screamed stop and I screamed it so intensely and so loudly that not only do I think the roof actually lifted, but it caused him to almost stop and he kind of rocked like that.

That pause was just enough time and made the difference and I grabbed the back of his jumper and pulled him away from the fire. And he doesn't have a mark on him. In fact, he doesn't know that ever happened.

So that's the kind of stop I'm talking about where you scream it so loud and it's so intense, so forced that you would be saving someone's life like yours.

So you can't just, you know, if you want to stop the way that mind is going, if you're starting to brood and imagine the negative things, you've got to scream stop.

as though you are stopping some kid from running out in front of a truck after a ball. You know, something like that, really intense.

And of course, you need to build the positive picture. So how can you do that? Let's say, for example, you wanted to go on a trip and ah you had that fear of flying.

Rather than focusing on um trying to pretend that you're going to be okay, it's way better to actually jump your mind to that point of pleasure of you being on the trip.

So you kind of skip the painful bits and imagine yourself maybe having a cold one on a deck overlooking the ocean or the ski slopes or something like that, and just feeling that that wonderful feeling of ease and accomplishment, that there you are on your fabulous holiday.

And building that positive feeling, that is really a useful thing to do as well. So I'm talking about a couple of things here. Imagining what it actually is that you want and not imagining what you don't want.

That's a really key piece. Yep. And being prepared to do some work um in whatever a form that is for you because it depends on the thing that you're going to work on, you know.

So some thoughts on change. Change takes effort. Yes, positive input of data is very important.

And... You know, something like, you know, ah the application of logic too. Really looking at whether it isn't worth the effort. Don't BS yourself. If it's not worth the effort, if you're not prepared to do the the work, then don't put yourself through the um the pain and suffering of only half doing it, you know.

Get real and do what's necessary. Hard words really, aren't they?

Hard words. It's amazing because when ah so many of us, you know can't do this and we can't do that, we tell ourselves that anyway, and yet somebody who is facing death, potential death, just like someone gets a really bad health diagnosis, suddenly they can actually eat good.

They can eat all the right things in the right quantities and make sure they're hydrated. They can do all of those things because there their focus, their um the pain value has shifted. you know Now, being hydrated enough and eating the right foods is way less of an issue than dying so they can do the thing.

It really does come down to that. What is most important to you? Getting real about that can make a big difference. Yeah. Uncomfortable, isn't it?

Very uncomfortable. Anyway, just some thoughts to share with you. so think about... Cooey's law of reversed effort is what it's really called. I often refer it as the law of reversed effect because we actually do get the opposite effect to what we really want, I think, sometimes.

Yeah. So logic and common sense, being prepared to take control of the mind and pull it in, use that stop. um If you're in a car driving somewhere,

And you have those negative thoughts start. Screen stop at the top of your voice. The windows aren't going to break. No one's going to hear you if you're in the car on your own.

No problem. Really practice breaking through. So incredible when you do that. And it takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of energy and consciousness to be on top of your thinking.

I mean, it's not for the faint-hearted, that's for sure. But if you really want to get change in a particular area of your life, it is totally doable. It's all about what creates more pain.

And us humans, we move away from pain. That is a powerful motivator for us. Moving away from pain and moving towards pleasure is a winning system.

You'll be interested to hear from you on what you feel is useful in this little verbalisation about, you know, change and how we can make our changes more successful and long-lasting rather than just the one or two-day feel-good before we fail, you know. um Yeah.

So, Coue’s Law. Check out this little... link that I've included in the blurb on Derren Brown and his setup of Henry because it's a perfect example of how it works, right? And the thing is, we are our own enemy.

It's our constant thinking about what that thing that we fear, that's what puts us there. Anyway, all the best to you thinking about change. And you know what? Why am I talking about change in this spiritually based kind of podcast? Well, it's easy.

All of us, if we're going to move forward, to advance, to up-level, to be better, stronger, more inspired than we were before, we need to make change because nothing changes if we don't.

Anyway, have a great day and thanks for tuning in!